Who Am I

I am Yours, save me; for I have sought Your precepts.
Psalm 119:94

The facts are all there… Just ask my mom, she will tell you exactly who I am. Her opinions melted and broke my heart as she described her thoughts of me. It is not everyday you call your loved ones and ask them to tell you what they think of you. However, as I listened to a familiar Casting Crowns’ song today, I was intrigued to know what others thought.

If you did not know me as a child, let my mother tell you what I was like. She claims I was energetic and entertaining, singing songs and getting the attention of others as much as possible. She explained that I was self-confident and a leader among my friends. Mom said that I loved sports (I don’t remember this), and I was my daddy’s girl. Learning came easy for me; I was smart but not studious. I loved church and the friends I made there, but who I was continued to change despite what I was being taught in God’s house.

As a teenager, one who had been saved and was a child of God, I had changed a bit. As my mother spoke today, it seemed simple for her to describe me and also point out negative terms to depict who I was in those years. I was driven to excel, and it did not matter to me how I got to the top as long as I did. I was involved – if there was a club to be in or a gathering of teens to meet up with, I was there. My mom relates that I was self-centered and a manipulator – I seemed to get whatever I wanted with no effort. Just after I had been saved, I started acting as one who did not know Christ at all.

Hearing these descriptions from my mom really pierced my heart, knowing that they were true. It seemed to hurt my mom as she spoke of me in this manner, and I understood the pain I had caused her. Still, I imagined how God felt about me at that time, how I must have broken his heart as He watched me become the person I was. Would He even want to claim me as His own?

Grace was involved in my life. I cannot tell you how or when I noticed who I was becoming, but God told me who I was. It is never easy when God rebukes you for your wrongdoings and who you are. It became clear that I was a person who was difficult to love. “But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions (Ephesians 2:4-5a).”

The eyes of a parent can see things others cannot. When I asked my mom to portray me as I am today, she smiled; I could just hear it in her voice. She said, “You have become a servant to others instead of worrying over pleasing yourself.” Is this the way God sees me too? He is my Father; does He think of me the way my mom does? “You are a teacher and a writer who is creative, responsible, gifted, and resourceful; you use your talents for the benefits of others. You are focused on God’s work and not your own.” My hope is that others see me for who I am just as God does, not for what I do. “…For God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance but the LORD looks at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7b).” Who I am is not who I used to be. Do you hear it? It is the smile of a Father who can be pleased with His child.

Completely His,
Jenna Johnson

Challenged

Beloved, while I was making every effort to write you about our common salvation, I felt the necessity to write to you appealing that you contend earnestly for the faith which was once for all handed down to the saints. (Jude 1:3 NASB)

At 5 years old, I graduated from a tricycle to a bike that had training wheels. I can remember the first ride in the front yard of our house. Every body (Dad, Mom and my sister) was watching to see if I could make it. It was like watching a fawn trying to take it’s for steps, or maybe like a baby bird that was just learning how to fly. Of course, as you could guess, the momentous occasion of peddling the bike by myself ended in 30 seconds or so. I was on the ground, but ready to get back up again. Have you ever felt like this when it comes to sharing your faith with someone else? Unsure, unstable, and winging every word you say. You don’t have to be.

Yesterday while at the mission, I watched something unfold from the distance that inspired me. First, there was a homeless guy named Raymond who has visited 49 states and 4 Canadian provinces. He is in his early 60s. He is tall, toothless, yet talented with words. Second, there was a group of high school students participating in a mission’s outreach program called M-Fuge. They are living at a local college and reaching out into the community of Nashville at various ministries. They are right out of school for the summer, saturated by the world, yet willing to serve. As the students began preparing the trays for those eating, Raymond comes in and begins questioning them. He says, “Are you really Christians or are you just pretending?” With a smile and a laugh, he realizes that he has taken these high school students off guard. How would this make you feel if you were asked this question? The girls respond to some of his questions to defend themselves about why they are there to serve. They responded, “We are trying to do good that God’s light may shine through us.” Before everyone gets into the cafeteria, he asks them, “What can God do for a sinner like me?” He told them to hold that thought, and he would be back after lunch was served.

Taken back, the girls talk among themselves and then disperse to meet and greet some of the homeless that are coming in for lunch. On this day, there are not as many people eating at the mission, because it is the first of the month. Many get there checks, and the day on the street is called, “Dope Day!” In a week or so, the money will have been spent on drugs, alcohol and women. They always come back looking for help in a few weeks. Raymond seems to be clear headed and often has a smile on his face. He comes back after lunch and begins questioning the young girl’s faith about Jesus, salvation, the One True God, and how to deal with sin. He probes them for answers about this great salvation that they speak of. He acts like he doesn’t understand anything about the gospel of Jesus Christ. One young girl is drilled about how she knows this is real. She gets so frustrated and almost mad as he refuses to believe her answers. They take Raymond to the Scriptures and try to explain John 3:16 and God’s amazing love in giving his own Son as our Substitute and ultimate Sacrifice. He said, “I get it.” He then asks, “Do you know what 2 Timothy 2:15 tells us?” All of their Bibles were on the bus, so one of the chaperones pulled his from his backpack and allow the girl to read, “Study to show yourself approved unto God, a workman that needs not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.”

Behind his worn clothing and toothless but priceless smile, he explained the purity and purpose of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. He talked about the sinfulness of man, the imputed righteousness of Christ, the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit and the joys of eternal life. He told the girls that his hope was in Christ and that he was following Him. A High School Junior named Baillee said, “I knew it!” As we all walked away, we learned the valuable lesson of not just knowing what you believe but making sure your beliefs line up with Scripture. Eventually, you and I will be faced with people where the rubber meets the road. Will you be able to stand, ride or fall? It all depends on how much training you have done in your front yard at home!

Digesting Truth

2 Corinthians 6:10 As sorrowful, yet alway rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, and yet possessing all things.

Swallowing things have never been that hard for me. From childhood thinking watermelon seeds would grow in my stomach to an 8th grader who could inhale two Big Mac’s with fries on family road trips to visit relatives during the summer, I have never had much of a problem eating, swallowing and digesting. However, how you ever had a friend who would have a lump in their throat when it came time to swallow medicine that they needed? I remember a friend who refused to take what the doctor had prescribed to make him better. Only after much pleading and coaxing would he swallow the antidote.

Do you ever feel like life isn’t treating you fair? Your 1, 5, and 10 year plan has not worked out just the way that you wanted it to. After leaving college six years ago, my plans were to become a successful business man and hopefully being in the six figures by age 30 or 35. My goals were to have my family in a place of financial comfort where we wouldn’t have to think about making payments week to week or month to month. I wanted security in the temporal things of life. Then, I met Jesus on April 7, 2003. After shattering the self-sufficient and invisible view I had of my self, He showed me my depravity and sinfulness. At 2:20 in the morning, He regenerated my heart, and I was justified by faith in His work of redemption. That night, I picked up my cross and have been walking ever since.

Over the past year, I have been able to walk with Jesus through the valley of the shadow of death by losing my grandfather (77), our first hopes of a child (6 weeks, 1day), and my dad (48) a month ago. Though He is despised and rejected of men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief, He has been my best friend (Isaiah 53:3). He’s listened to my groaning, reminded me where they are, and comforted me on my first Father’s day and birthday without them. Over and over again, He reminds me that this life is not about my comfort. This life is so short and so fragile. You really could be here one day and gone the next. I guess in losing these close family members, I have been able to walk to the edge of eternity and begin grasping what Jesus meant by “eternal life.” My eyes have been opened, heart is being renewed, and mind is in awe of God who is Sovereign. He is so intricately detailing your life that you would be amazed at all the work He is doing behind the scenes to conform you into the image of His dear Son.

Even with this year of grief, I just got back from a 12-day Biblical Tour of Israel. This was planned last August, and the LORD knew exactly what I needed to get away and get closer to Him, His Word and the Land on which He placed His Name. Jesus was fully God and fully man. He walked with real people, in a real place, at a real time. We saw the ruins of the towns that Jesus ministered in around the Sea of Galilee, took a boat on the waters that He stilled, and walked in synagogues that He would have entered. We saw the gates and walls that Nehemiah restored in Jerusalem, the platform of the Temple, the Mount of Olives and the Garden of Gethsemane. However, my favorite places were the Place of the Skull where Jesus died for our sins and the Garden Tomb that was completely empty. It’s hard to swallow the truth that God would love us so much that He would give His only begotten Son as the sacrifice for our sin. What a sorrowful and bitter cup of sin He drank on our behalf, but remember the victory of the third day! I do not know what trial you are going through right now, but I can point you to the One who can help you say, “as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing!”

Salt on an Open Wound

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalms 147:3


There was a time in my life when a mixture of salt and water was the cure to everything. My dad would often bring me a glass when I had lost a tooth, caught a stomach bug, or cut my lip. When I was little, I did not realize that, upon taking a drink, the concoction would burn at the very touch, but as I grew older, I knew when I saw that golden Tupperware cup that I was in for some hurting.


I will admit that despite the burn, it was not long after drinking dad’s remedy that the cut or sore was almost completely healed. After running from him, I would complain for an hour about how bad it tasted and how angry I was that he had made me do such a thing. I never could understand that in the moments I swallowed the salt water, I was in a process of healing, and in time the awful taste it brought would be just a memory.


Since then, I have been made to drink that “salty water” again. The Lord has passed me a cup that I never want to drink from again. The sting from this wound feels as though it will never heal, and I am forced to feel the agony of when the salt hits the scar. This is a cut that is deeper than the surface of skin: the memory of a child.


For months I have been through the injuries and scar that losing a child leaves. I have ached upon hearing of others’ pregnancies and tasted the teardrops that this memory brings, none of which have felt as if my heart is mended. In fact, I recently ran from a friend that shared my due date as I saw her growing stomach among a crowd a people. My wound is still there.


It is easy to say we are past the hurts that lie within our hearts, but the truth is that we are allowed to hurt and to grieve. There are reasons for all of these as stated in Ecclesiastes 3:1, 3-4, “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven… A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.” God understands our sorrow, and He Himself knows our pain. Yet I cannot understand the immensity of His hurt as He allowed His only Son to die in my place on the cross (John 17).


I do not know what hurts you are holding onto, and I cannot understand what aches within your heart. However, I do know that if you will allow Him, God can pour salt into your wounds and heal you. Mark 9:50 states, “Salt is good; but if the salt becomes unsalty, with what will you make it salty again? Have salt in yourselves, and be at peace with one another.” If we are to be the “salt of the earth,” we must be more like Christ. When we face these circumstances, God is able to instill Christ-like characteristics in us as we draw closer to Him. Each moment is an opportunity for God to restore your injuries in a way that will glorify Him. Please do not step away from your Heavenly Father when He offers “a cup of salt and water”; He is making you new again.


Hurting yet Healing,
Jenna Johnson

Words of Encouragement Email: johnsonwordsofencouragement@gmail.com

Who's the Fool?

“The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise.” (Proverbs 12:15)

"Let no man deceive himself. If any man among you seemeth to be wise in this world, let him become a fool, that he may be wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God." (1 Corinthians 3:18-19)

Approximately fifty years old with gray hair. A white, collared shirt with black pants and boots. Dark eyes and a friendly smile. A tragic situation, needing help. What could I give a man who had just this day lost his father and had learned his mother was hit by a car? The desperation was looming on his face, and I knew I had the capability of giving him what he wanted: fifty-six dollars.

Of course, my immediate reaction was to help; I had seen my husband offer assistance to many. However, I also felt a “tug” at my heart as if God was speaking to me. After the man mentioned my husband’s name and claimed he knew what we had been going through, I quickly felt as though I was supposed to know this person standing in front of me. Standing in the church parking lot for our fundraising yard sale, I wrote a check to the church clerk for cash, and then, without hesitation, I handed the man $56 to assist with his travel expenses. I told him I would be praying for him and to please contact Brian when he learned of his mother’s condition.

It is fair to say that I will never hear from this stranger again. After his black truck left the church parking lot, my phone rang. Brian was calling from Israel, and I jumped right into questioning him about this “familiar” character. To my disgust, Brian informed me that he did not know the old man, that he had never talked to him before, and that it sounded as if I had been fooled. I cried as I hung up the phone, without even realizing why, but my heart grieved within me.

Driving away with tears in my eyes, I could not understand why a person would do such a thing to someone, especially one at church! Many of us would look at the deceitful old man as a fool (and we may be right), but personally, I cannot blame anyone without looking at myself first.

Upon questioning my actions, a small thought came to me; it was clear that I had played the part of the fool that day. You may be wondering, “How?” Let me explain, it seems at times when, at our weakest, the devil Himself can creep into our lives. This time was mine. I was:
· Hungry (from not eating lunch),
· Angry (that I was forced into an uncomfortable situation),
· Lonely (with Brian away in Israel), and
· Tired (having not slept well).
It is in moments like these, we always need to HALT. It was a perfect day for the devil to have his way. Without prayerfully considering what to do, I reacted hurriedly, thus the reasoning behind the outcome I faced. Proverbs states, “So that thou incline thine ear unto wisdom, and apply thine heart to understanding… For the LORD giveth wisdom: out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding (Proverbs 2:2, 6).” Had I simply stopped and realized that my heart was grieved because God was speaking the truth over the situation, I would have “HALTed” and asked the Lord for wisdom.

What areas in your life are you playing the fool? How often do you find yourself looking back wondering how you could have done things differently? It is sometimes challenging for us when put in situations to ask of and use God’s wisdom because we are fools. It is through the knowledge of the Lord that we are made wise. Make certain you HALT; let God provide you with His wisdom.

Working on Spiritual Wisdom,
Jenna R. Johnson
Jennarjohnson@yahoo.com and http://jennarjohnson.blogspot.com/
Visit Words of Encouragement on the Web.

P.S. – Brian and the group will be returning from Israel on Saturday, June 7th. Please remember them in prayer as they travel home. Thank you for your love, prayers, and support!