I am Yours, save me; for I have sought Your precepts.
Psalm 119:94
The facts are all there… Just ask my mom, she will tell you exactly who I am. Her opinions melted and broke my heart as she described her thoughts of me. It is not everyday you call your loved ones and ask them to tell you what they think of you. However, as I listened to a familiar Casting Crowns’ song today, I was intrigued to know what others thought.
If you did not know me as a child, let my mother tell you what I was like. She claims I was energetic and entertaining, singing songs and getting the attention of others as much as possible. She explained that I was self-confident and a leader among my friends. Mom said that I loved sports (I don’t remember this), and I was my daddy’s girl. Learning came easy for me; I was smart but not studious. I loved church and the friends I made there, but who I was continued to change despite what I was being taught in God’s house.
As a teenager, one who had been saved and was a child of God, I had changed a bit. As my mother spoke today, it seemed simple for her to describe me and also point out negative terms to depict who I was in those years. I was driven to excel, and it did not matter to me how I got to the top as long as I did. I was involved – if there was a club to be in or a gathering of teens to meet up with, I was there. My mom relates that I was self-centered and a manipulator – I seemed to get whatever I wanted with no effort. Just after I had been saved, I started acting as one who did not know Christ at all.
Hearing these descriptions from my mom really pierced my heart, knowing that they were true. It seemed to hurt my mom as she spoke of me in this manner, and I understood the pain I had caused her. Still, I imagined how God felt about me at that time, how I must have broken his heart as He watched me become the person I was. Would He even want to claim me as His own?
Grace was involved in my life. I cannot tell you how or when I noticed who I was becoming, but God told me who I was. It is never easy when God rebukes you for your wrongdoings and who you are. It became clear that I was a person who was difficult to love. “But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions (Ephesians 2:4-5a).”
The eyes of a parent can see things others cannot. When I asked my mom to portray me as I am today, she smiled; I could just hear it in her voice. She said, “You have become a servant to others instead of worrying over pleasing yourself.” Is this the way God sees me too? He is my Father; does He think of me the way my mom does? “You are a teacher and a writer who is creative, responsible, gifted, and resourceful; you use your talents for the benefits of others. You are focused on God’s work and not your own.” My hope is that others see me for who I am just as God does, not for what I do. “…For God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance but the LORD looks at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7b).” Who I am is not who I used to be. Do you hear it? It is the smile of a Father who can be pleased with His child.
Completely His,
Jenna Johnson
Psalm 119:94
The facts are all there… Just ask my mom, she will tell you exactly who I am. Her opinions melted and broke my heart as she described her thoughts of me. It is not everyday you call your loved ones and ask them to tell you what they think of you. However, as I listened to a familiar Casting Crowns’ song today, I was intrigued to know what others thought.
If you did not know me as a child, let my mother tell you what I was like. She claims I was energetic and entertaining, singing songs and getting the attention of others as much as possible. She explained that I was self-confident and a leader among my friends. Mom said that I loved sports (I don’t remember this), and I was my daddy’s girl. Learning came easy for me; I was smart but not studious. I loved church and the friends I made there, but who I was continued to change despite what I was being taught in God’s house.
As a teenager, one who had been saved and was a child of God, I had changed a bit. As my mother spoke today, it seemed simple for her to describe me and also point out negative terms to depict who I was in those years. I was driven to excel, and it did not matter to me how I got to the top as long as I did. I was involved – if there was a club to be in or a gathering of teens to meet up with, I was there. My mom relates that I was self-centered and a manipulator – I seemed to get whatever I wanted with no effort. Just after I had been saved, I started acting as one who did not know Christ at all.
Hearing these descriptions from my mom really pierced my heart, knowing that they were true. It seemed to hurt my mom as she spoke of me in this manner, and I understood the pain I had caused her. Still, I imagined how God felt about me at that time, how I must have broken his heart as He watched me become the person I was. Would He even want to claim me as His own?
Grace was involved in my life. I cannot tell you how or when I noticed who I was becoming, but God told me who I was. It is never easy when God rebukes you for your wrongdoings and who you are. It became clear that I was a person who was difficult to love. “But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions (Ephesians 2:4-5a).”
The eyes of a parent can see things others cannot. When I asked my mom to portray me as I am today, she smiled; I could just hear it in her voice. She said, “You have become a servant to others instead of worrying over pleasing yourself.” Is this the way God sees me too? He is my Father; does He think of me the way my mom does? “You are a teacher and a writer who is creative, responsible, gifted, and resourceful; you use your talents for the benefits of others. You are focused on God’s work and not your own.” My hope is that others see me for who I am just as God does, not for what I do. “…For God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance but the LORD looks at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7b).” Who I am is not who I used to be. Do you hear it? It is the smile of a Father who can be pleased with His child.
Completely His,
Jenna Johnson
No comments:
Post a Comment